Thoughts/adventures through life

struggling

So lately I have been going through a really rough patch. I took a job at a summer camp and I thought that I would be able to be at a summer camp outside of Minnesota and everything would be alright. I thought that I was strong enough to handle all the memories and triggers that I could possibly have from what happened…

Well I guess I was wrong. I guess summer camp is just not for me anymore and its put me in a really dark place lately the sad thing is that the true campers for the camp don’t come until tomorrow but I just know that right now being at camp is not a good place for me to be but I don’t know where to go exactly. I need to find a place that I need to and figure things out. I know that going home is always an option and I know that it would be a good temporary place for me to go until I figure things out. It’s also been a long time since I have been there and it would feel nice to go back for a couple of weeks but I really enjoy being on the west coast and I don’t want to leave.

I think that right now my best bet is looking for jobs in a couple of cities in the west that I have thought about living in and applying to them and just see what happens. I might just tough it out at camp until I get my first pay check next month and then maybe head down to home in KY and visit family and take a trip to GA to visit a really close and supportive friend or see if I can head down to my friends house in Portland for a little bit and check it out.

I just needed to talk so to those who read this thanks I just have a lot of thinking to do and a lot on my mind. I do know that camp is not the best place for me right now at least not mentally good for me, I love being in the outdoors just not with all these memories that come back. I just have to convince myself that its a smart choice and that I should not feel bad about doing this or anything. Something is bound to happen and things will turn around I just need to give it time that’s all and something good will happen.