So ever since school started I have used Student Senate as my comfort place since I have gotten rapped over the summer time. I knew that coming back to school would be a really hard thing for me to do and I just wanted to bury what happened and just get back to what use to be my normal life. So I used Student Senate as a place to do that.
It started off not being a bad thing to do but over time it got worse for me. What I mean by that is that it got to the point where I went to school from 8 in the morning and stayed at school until 10:30 at night. I didn’t want to come home. I didn’t want to face the silence at night by myself. I thought that staying at school would fix all my problems and that I wouldn’t have to face them when I got home. I used the Senate room as my comfort place. As a place where I didn’t want to live because I didn’t want to face a different zone that was not comfortable for me.
I realized lately that I need to get away from that comfort zone of the Student Senate room. I need to start to move on and start to let things go more then what I did before. I need to find a different more suitable comfort zone and maybe that means to have more then one. I realized that I need to stop putting all of my comfort all into one activity because after this school year is over I will no longer have Student Senate and then I will be more lost then what I am now. I started to stop to show my face around the office this past week and I am going to stop hanging out there and start to be more of a normal student and start to do other things on my own.
I stopped going to see my therapist as well. I have not gone for about two months now. I am trying to move on and I felt that going to a therapist didn’t really help me do that. I mean at first I guess it was good to talk about the event and how it happened and to get my feelings out but I have not felt any different since I stopped going compared to when I did go.
I am just scared about what’s next with moving on. I am scared to find out what else it out there. I mean I have my best friend which is the most perfect human connection that you could possibly have in another person and he is my full support up here but even then that scares me.
I created a comfort zone that was good at the start of school but I need to move on from that and it scares me. I will always have my best friend but I guess it’s time to really start my “new” life and create my new “normal” but I just don’t know how to do that. But that’s my next big to figure out.
